i just had sex bonerless
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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