AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
