I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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