Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
