Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
