is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We got so high we made milksteak
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
