i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I enjoy the company of your penis
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