you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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