nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
