Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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