It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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