uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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