Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
