What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize