No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
