Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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