this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
