Are we in a gay sports bar?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
