You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
