dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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