it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
