She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
