Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize