I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
