I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
