Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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