Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
