The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
