My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
