Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
