Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
