i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
