I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
