Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
