I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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