well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
