I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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