why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
