I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
