...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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