he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
