So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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