I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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