Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
