I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry my hands just texted you
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
