You made me cry and you don't even care
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize