My underwear smells like fireworks.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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