i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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