I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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