I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she told me i tasted like america
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
