i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
