so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize