Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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