and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
