dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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