This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
