final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
