there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
