so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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