I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
