PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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