I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
