Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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