that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize