I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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