I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
