he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
