i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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