ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
