We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
