just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
