Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
