I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
