I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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