I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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