I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
