Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
