i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
