just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
