I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize