what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My penis needs a shock collar
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
