I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
