I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
