I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
