Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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