hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
