toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
