yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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