im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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