Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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