It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
