I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
