I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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