my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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