Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize